the clarity of now

yesterday a co-worker / boss of mine died. it was a total shock to everyone. i actually said to myself in the last few weeks that i would have to leave that job soon…that it didn't line up with the vision i have of myself…but i didn't expect it to end this way.

was i saddened? yes, of course. he was a good guy, a little unfocused and stressed out, but he meant well. we weren't close, but we had some nice conversations. I wanted to see him succeed.

i am grateful for a tremendous revelation. The future is not guarenteed.  I keep forgetting that. it's been a while since someone i knew personally has died. although i like to think of myslef as self - aware, i realized how unconcious i've been, how i've not been following my dreams fully…how i've been hesitating on things that i want to do, see, have, experience. why?

there is no real future, there is only the now. and without changing the now, my future “nows” will not change.

now is when i live fully, now is when i cherish, now is when i risk, now is when i love…

the now is what i choose to be.

blessings

kevin

Re: the clarity of now

Beautifully expressed Kevin.

I couldn't agree with you more about there being no future but only now and what we do now dictates what will happen in the now tomorrow and the next day and the next.  We human beings have a tendency to be complacent sometimes and an event such as a death of someone we know can really shine a light on our complacency.  The beauty of this Universe is that we always get a new 'now' each day…even those of us who have passed on to a different existence such as your co-worker has just done.  His 'now' experience is different today but who knows what an adventure it might be for him. 

I caution you lovingly however not to be too hard on yourself about what you haven't been doing.  I think we judge ourselves too harshly and that in and of itself can become an obstacle to our doing exactly what we know we should be doing…guilt and shame are not emotions that help us in any way.

It could possibly be that you attracted this situation into your experience…just as your co-worker attracted you into his experience.  Just maybe this is a gift from him to you and who knows what wondrous things will come of this 'light bulb' moment in your life today.

Remember my friend…its all good.

Affectionately,
Cheryl

Re: the clarity of now

My grandpa just died. It happened in about a month that he was well and strong and all of a sudden he was gone. That made me realized how fragile life is and that i have to concentrate on the now and savor every moment. Kudos.

Re: the clarity of now

Good for you Markie for recognizing what the Universe is trying to show you through this experience. 

Here's a fresh new quote I just got from an animated film believe it or not:  “I do not look to the past…it distracts from the now.”  Lovely sentiment I think and good sound advice.

My heart goes out to you regarding the loss of your grandfather.  I lost my grandmother a few years ago and have been doing my best to let those things I treasured in her live on in me…in my thoughts, actions and reactions.

Love to you,
Cheryl

Re: the clarity of now

I remember in The Four Agreements by Don Miguel Ruiz that he recommends taking “Death” as an advisor.  I recently had my own wake up call.  I have a chronic condition that really causes me no trouble, I see my specialist once a year and monitor my condition.  Undergoing treatment would mean making myself intentionally very sick for an extended period of time.  There are issues in my business life which need to be set in order and I would really like my children to get a little older before I undertake such action. 

Well, recently a study came out that indicated under the best circumstances, on average, I had only 8 years left to live.  There was an initial shock when I considered how fast the 6 yrs of my sons life have flown by and how he would only be 14 in 8 years and the baby only 10.  The thought that it might be a possibility was not only alarming and depressing but one I could not conceive of or believe.  But it did give me pause regarding the current state of my relationships and how I would want to be remembered if death comes too soon.  I realized that I am not as “happy” in my reactions, attitude or behavior as I would like to be.  Actually, I've been struggling with mild depression for a year and I know that most of it stems from feelings of inadequancy regarding my work and my children.  But that is no reason to be cranky, crabby, sarcastic or condescending or feel just plain hopeless.

So, I am working on being happier and at the same time, reason with myself that many factors determine when and how I might die.  So, I can't dwell on what one study of unknown details predicts.  I must follow my instincts.  I don't fear death but I have no desire to hasten it either.

Deborah

Re: the clarity of now

I wish to share some of my life experiences here.  I had a diagnosis at a very good hospital of a brain tumor.  The doctor said I could not go home I had to go into the hospitalNow and have surgery.  Scared me nearly to death.  I had a new corn baby and a 15 yr old waiting for me at home with a fairly new husband.  I told doctor I would be back when my baby was 16.  He assured me I would not live that long.  My everyday life was tainted each and every moment of the next 15 yrs with his predictions of doom.  I went back as I promised and was told,  after  the tests that it had been a misdiagnosis.  Now what would have happened if I had just accepted his truth and did as he tried to scare me into doing???But due to my trusting myself and not allowing my body to react to the fear he instilled within me by going into a setting where disease is fought like a war I went home into peace. I endeavored to put my life in somekind of order but did not let myself dwell in his fear any more than I had to.–Within a year my husband was set on fire,  due to an accident.  We went to the emergency roo and after being told he would probably not make it through the night went into the burn ward.For four days we lived in their world>  He begged me to take him home.  I will not go into his total burns except to say his lips,  aers,  face, back and hand were third degree.  The diagnois was 5 yrs of surgery,  infection and pain. They said there was no place on a body to transplant lips. With no support at all we went home.We doctored our way with natural products.Today,  if you saw him,  you would never know he had ever had a burn anywhere.  We missed the terrible pain of scabs and the disfigurement that goes with their treatment. I only say to you to trust your own knowingness whereever that takes you for their is a power,  a god,  if you will,  that is inside every person that knows how to heal and what to do.

Re: the clarity of now

Great Patricia, so great and so true !!!!!
we are meant to heal ourselves !
~