Happiness is a Choice

we create or decide not to create happiness in our own lives.
our responses to life and our views of events and conditions can either bring happiness in and/or share it or not.
many decide to be happy, to create and to exude happiness no matter what conditions exist around them.
deciding to be happiness and to emanate it can only make our planet better.
the English language is inadequate to conatin all the other meanings and slants on contentedness, but the range from joy and elation to the satisfied purr of a cat sort of envelop the concept of happiness.
all are great to decide to feel and to reflect into the world.

Re: Happiness is a Choice

Good timing, Ocean.  I have been working through the Four Agreements (Don Miguel Ruiz) one more time.  I'm so intensely focused on choosing words right now that support me, rather than allowing my language to create a pattern of suffering.  When I limit and speak to myself in damaging ways, I'm choosing anything but happiness.

Thank you.

Re: Happiness is a Choice

Interesting… I'm on the Four Agreements too!

The Four Agreements by don Miguel Ruiz
“Everything we do is based on agreements we have made - agreements with ourselves, with other people, with God, with life. But the most important agreements are the ones we make with ourselves. In these agreements we tell ourselves who we are, how to behave, what is possible, what is impossible. One single agreement is not such a problem, but we have many agreements that come from fear, deplete our energy, and diminish our self-worth.” ~ don Miguel Ruiz

1. Be Impeccable With Your Word
Speak with integrity. Say only what you mean. Avoid using the word to speak against yourself or to gossip about others. Use the power of your word in the direction of truth and love.

2. Don't Take Anything Personally
Nothing others do is because of you. What others say and do is a projection of their own reality, their own dream. When you are immune to the opinions and actions of others, you wonít be the victim of needless suffering.

3. Don't Make Assumptions
Find the courage to ask questions and to express what you really want. Communicate with others as clearly as you can to avoid misunderstandings, sadness and drama. With just this one agreement, you can completely transform your life.

4. Always Do Your Best
Your best is going to change from moment to moment; it will be different when you are healthy as opposed to sick. Under any circumstance, simply do your best, and you will avoid self-judgment, self-abuse and regret.

Re: Happiness is a Choice

Aw yeah, how questionable happiness is. What it is, what it means, how we get it etc. etc. etc. What is love? how do you become happy. Probably the same question. So If I agree that you choose happiness, what does that mean for the rest of my comparrison?

Re: Happiness is a Choice

as i was going to add that the being able to choose anything at a given instance; by understanding this process is a possible ground for happiness (if one so chooses:)

and then i stumbled upon the following from Embracing the Rainbow - Chapters 3

”The freewill aspect is both the 'thorn' and the 'blossom' of this process. It is the vital emanation of creative energy. At its essence, it possesses both positive and negative polarity, and is not bound by cycles. The polarities are available on the whim of decision, which allows it to alter Creation at the manifested level. Freewill cannot be controlled. It can be influenced, but at any point, individual consciousness can simply change its thinking and the influence is cast aside. Thought can create an experience, and thought can change it into another experience entirely. Combined focus of thought is all-powerful when it operates within the tenets of the Universal Laws, and is supported by emotional commitment. The return to self-empowerment following the experience of containment and victim experiences will bring forth an emotional sensation to the soul that equates to the joy so often spoken of by religions. Just as love and hate cannot share the same heart, neither can joy and a victim perception share the same experience. The courage to choose becomes the responsibility of Humanity in order to create its experience, in this instance, with all possible help available for the asking.”

Re: Happiness is a Choice

If it stand in so many books, why do people even have trouble doing it?

Re: Happiness is a Choice

people are doing just what they want so if they have trouble doing it, the having trouble is also what they want..

Re: Happiness is a Choice

Excactly, If people are doing excactly what they want, who are we to tell them, what they should want? Is offering them a different perspective not a better course of action? (Note, this has nothing to do with your above piece)

Re: Happiness is a Choice

I gave it quite a bit of thought and this what I came up with.

right, we are doing exactly what we want and I  am not offering anybody anything  at large unless one is a close friend or a moment of intimacy gave me a chance,  then I can try to express my mind and heart.

Yet (we) people practice control through multitude of pattern, authority and system; and many never ask “who are we to tell them” instead, by no mean follow that self built sense of fulfillment and thoughts needing aggrandizement to whatever bitter result

So we are as if confronted / or are we off-balance (?)

To not be caught in conflict and empower slavery we can choose not to follow the glitch, by discernment you recognize it, then stop reacting; when the reaction stops, like a cat, the oppressor may not see where we are and if we know to unlock the conflict by forgiving we regain balance, or we contemplate until we release the conflict entirely – cause we’re part of both sides, the oppressor and the victim.

In short, by not being reactive we try to maintain sanity and with discernment we know how to behave and by allowing we restore balance

There is this most critical point with which I also consulted while considering your profound question

You may consider that I am incorporating terms taken from the NP book into my personal expressing nature trying to introduce agreeable terms for a global  Statement of Purpose

I wonder how you reflect

Re: Happiness is a Choice

Well, first I had to find a dictionary, as I do not know all english words just yet. And I had to check out that 'critical point', I must say, I'm happy I discovered that by myself, or I would probably have been stuck on a daily prayer, something I know I can never put my mind to. Because I forget to do it. (or just do not see the use, though I know, it was there once)
By the way, who wrote this book? I would like to meet that person, if it were just a meet, and nothing more.
I think it is very wize of you, not to offer anyone anything at large. People usually think too much behind it. Though sometimes, if you know when, you can help someone you do not know. If they are crying on a couch. And you just happen to know why, for reasons you do not understand either. Sit next to them, (the will not excpect that) Say the words that need to be said. Look at them, when they are too suprised, and don't know what to day. Kiss them on their head, and walk away. And peak along the corner every few minutes, just to see, how long you have made them think. And hope that they will get inside when it starts to rain, or else they will catch a cold :-)
Then essence of the answer, I hoped you would give, can be found in your own answer aswell. By understanding that youa re both sides. You can always restore balance in conflicts, or disagreements, or even agreements as that is. Because your fellow converser will probably only feel the need to attend only one side of the matter. You can be both if you want to. Usually this confuses people, because at the end, they do not know whether they were right, or wrong. And that of course gives them reasons to contemplate both sides themselves. Delightfull I'd say.  I think you can find most of your Answers in that NP book of yours, I see no difference in the result then from what I think myself. Though I do not see the need of daily prayer or such of the matter. But hey, that is just me. ;)
I like your response. thanks :-)

Re: Happiness is a Choice

yes, both are also true for me; and i use new  words as i go along here I must use dictionary and contemplate the proper use; all in all seems to need constant deviation for the expansion, an action that in earnest needs, frees and allows a new language creating,  isn't it fun . .

and who wrote those books well, i found the following  introduction to Embracing the Rainbow  satisfactory

Re: Happiness is a Choice

Creating new language.. poetry! (but then the real sort)

Re: Happiness is a Choice

apparently, that which i am attracted to and very inimically resonates for me in poetry are rhythms that co-spiral and overlay, when reading the whole of  poem, in a very good one,  i see marvelous new impressions and  feelings rising and swirling –
and this in turn reflects on my burning question;  with so many languages - which of them is indeed the language of creation ?

could  rhythms be  that  language of creation     ??

Re: Happiness is a Choice

are rhythms the language of creation ?


there is a new question board on the NP zpod

Re: Happiness is a Choice

If it sounds so easy in the books, then why is the world so miserable?  Right.?

That's because we don't exist alone.  We are, like it or not, affected by our fellow human beings condition.  So, when we see others in misery and suffering, how can you say, “well, I'm in my “happy world” and don't recognize your pain?

We can't.  At least I know I can't.  I do try and practice of self awareness, discipline, and healing, but I am also affected by what I see around me.

When my kids suffer, I hurt, when I see poverty, hunger and disease in other countries, I feel hurt.  So, in my opinion, no matter how much we try to obtain englightment, if we ingnore the rest of the world and those suffering in it, then enlightment becomes emptiness.

Re: Happiness is a Choice

Dear Kiki,

It's wonderful and important to be deeply and genuinely compassionate. But it's important to learn to let go what we cannot carry.

On my mini-retreat day, which turned out quite busy and lovely, I had two points where I cried. One was re-reading the Little Prince, because I always cry at the point where he says goodbye to the Fox and at the end. But the tears were cathartic and led to a relaxed, sleepy state for a while, and rest…

I also went to sing at a funeral, and at one point one of the three granddaughters who was giving a joint eulogy with her two sisters or cousins completely broke down and couldn't continue for a minute, then continued crying all the while. I cried with her - I'm crying now thinking about it. But afterward I took a deep breath and released it. I feel her pain, but I do not know her, and others will love her and comfort her.

There are many in my life whom I love and comfort, and I listen to them, but I do not become depressed or discouraged by all the grief and hardship in the world. I just keep surrounding it whenever it comes up with the Love and Light that always overcomes the darkness.

What remains pervasive is the Joy and contentment of a life filled with every blessing and comfort.

Love,

Nicole

Re: Happiness is a Choice

Dear Nicole

Thank you for your response.  I understand what you're saying and agree with you.

I don't carry the weight of the world on my shoulders to keep me from being happy.  I was just trying to say that happiness has a different meaning to different people.

Because we are all on different levels of understanding, we apply that to our lives which we think will bring us happiness at this time of our lives.

It's a long journey before the whole world agrees to happiness for all starts with one self being loving towards everyone with equal opportunity.

If everyone had equal human rights in order to achieve hapiness then we could say we're heading somewhere good.

Sincerely,
kiki

Re: Happiness is a Choice

Dear Kiki,

I don't think it's as important for us to be happy as it is for us to be intensely in the moment. That would be my goal for humanity, living in the now and loving the ride.

Take care,

Nicole

Re: Happiness is a Choice

Happiness is achieved when we're doing our best - that is, being Compassionate - that is our best nature - then we're helping to heal with every meal! - Living in service to the All is true happiness!

Re: Happiness is a Choice

So right -
By being authentic - true to your own soul, which craves combining with all other souls in Compassion - being kind, merciful, being at ONe, which is being Comapssionate with our food - then happiness is achieved.

Being Compassionate with our food makes us truly aligned with all of life, and we know that by every meal, we're saving human lives too, since eating Vegan saves the grain for fellow humans, heals the environment, as well as our own bodies and souls!

Re: Happiness is a Choice

please allow this additional quote from the NP handbook / embracing / 4

”Ending your human lives in pain and disease is a further demonstration of the soul consciousness that leads to the denial of a solution by those experiencing this descending cycle of manifested circumstances. What appears as a complex and impossible situation has a simple solution. A change of attitude and application of simple understandable laws will provide the passageway through to new experience. Creation does not provide for suffering to buy anything but more suffering. It is a freewill choice. Therefore, it is time to opt for a new experience by giving up what does not work and has not worked for an eon of sequential episodes.”

Re: Happiness is a Choice

ok, more of my two cents.

I'm also reading “BROKEN OPEN” by Elizabeth Lesser.  I can't recommend it enough.

She begins with this quote by Anais Nin  “And the time came when the risk to remain tight in a bud was more painful than the risk it took to blossom.”

I think happiness comes out of being broken open.  Choosing to lay bear the heart and soul and quit defending out of a fearful place.  Love fosters in those places and happiness decorates the places held in love.  (I think).  LOL

Re: Happiness is a Choice

yes absolutely it is choosing to lay bear the heart and soul
after being broken only then; our remnants souring about,
we may realize the space (in) which we actually are..

let us voice our love into the immeasurable warmlight,
because expressing is how we care so much to even touch.

so good and together how not,  building castles of love in the
nothingness like with seasand, after we were left broken
beyond repair how good this feels in us now.

Re: Happiness is a Choice

In this memorable talk, filmed at TED2004, Dan Gilbert demonstrates just how poor we humans are at predicting (or understanding) what will make us happy. (Recorded February 2004 in Monterey, CA. Duration: 22:02)

Download this talk: Audio (MP3) | Video (MP4)

In this talk, Barry Schwartz persuasively explains how and why the abundance of choice in modern society is actually making us miserable. (Recorded July 2005 in Oxford, UK. Duration: 20:22)

Download this talk: Audio (MP3) | Video (MP4)

Re: Happiness is a Choice

I recently took a holiday job which is not difficult, it is waitressing. What is difficult is the other staff, they are difficult to work with, the energy there can be very draining and they are under staffed very often.

I have been there a few months and several good people new to the staff team have walked out as they cannot work in the circumstance. I have had to give myself ' a talking to' on several occassions to simply be the person that I want to be at that workplace.

My aim is to make the staff better at their jobs, to show them how to deal with customers better and how to deal with problems better. I have no stake in this place, it is owned by a national company whose main concern is likely to be their shareholders. But this has become an aim as it will bring me and them happiness. It would be easy to complain, to leave or to put everyone there down, but that is not going to make anything better.

If I can bring joy then I can enjoy, I don't just want to be happy, I want the people I meet to know what it is like too. I can sing as I leave work, but I want my workmates to sing too. I am a strange animal :.)

Re: Happiness is a Choice

My personal opinion is that we control our happines our future and our path… the big problem I see this days is that most of us forgot that we could do it or the extend of our power.

How much can we change? how much can we contro? personaly I think we can do as much as we believe in us. If you believe you can manifest or create absolutley everything in your life with out an inch of doubt then you will.

I am there yet? No, but my goal is to reach that point weer I am so in synch with the universe and the people around me that everything that I really want/need I will get…

and here is the tricky part becasue I think I am already getting absolutley everything that I need is some time what I want that I don’t get…

The biggest question for me is…. how to open the eyes and mind of our friends and family to this reality? How can we show them that we can be what ever we want to be?

I know by now that some peopel don’t want to listen that we are creators, most of the time just becasue they refuse to believe that they created such a crappy life… at the same time I think the first step into anything is assume FULL responsability for everything that happens in your life THEN you can manifest as much as you want…

I am very glad that this pod was created thanks Alex and that all of you are sharing your ideas THANSK TO ALL OF YOU !!!

SEE YOU SOON
O.

Re: Happiness is a Choice

Many people are not happy because they made an agreement with themselves that they will be happy only if this or that happend first… they may have forgotten about these agreements but the effect is obvious… unhappiness because want they want is not happening yet.

Why not agree instead to be happy no matter what happens?

Is this really so difficult?

Please think first before you answer…

Think again…

& again…

Do you sometimes find it easier to make someone else happy than to be happy yourself?

Why is that so?

On a seperate note, what if you go ahead & make more “someone” happy?

Does that help make you happy too?

If yes, than maybe that's one way to generate happiness…

Yes… we can generate happiness… it's a choice ;-)… at times a difficult one though…

& we can begin from where we are… that's the only way isn't it?

Re: Happiness is a Choice

                  One major obstacle that we face in coming to terms with happiness as a choice, and transforming that truth into a living practice that transcends the concept “happiness is a choice” and transcends any finer points that could be constructed to obscure it, is that, In the United states, and many other countries i'm sure, happiness has an extremely limited, and very specific prefabricated emotional definition and recognizable image. This is only exaggerated by an unspoken cultural agreement to adopt the prefab definition, and to display the accepted image when  engaged in a vast majority of daily  social interactions : Hi!, I'm Matt, and as you can plainly see, I am happy! And look, so are you! That's fantastic!

                   It is very effectively marketable, in spite of being almost completely void of any real depth or meaning. But, to take too long of an honest look at it would be flirting with the risk of losing what little grasp on the “happiness” that you might have already gained. Which leaves no room for asking “what does unhappy feel like?”  Is unhappy a real thing?And if not, is happy a real thing?

                    I would propose that there is good news and even more good news.Not only is unhappy a flimsy handed down myth, but even happiness is a lie. Certainly at least in western culture and I believe in any culture if we look at it honestly.

                     It is more than a debate over semantics. Some examples of indifference towards semantics in the history of the worlds religions have shown to be anything but trivial. The form the paradox takes here is that of  -One correct conclusion and only one, that everyone agrees is the correct conclusion, although no one comes to it in the same waY. - Therefore, you don't get confused with having a stellar smile and a sunny disposition ( like Ms. Manners teaches) and feeling a sense of inner peace born of non-resistance to what is.

           

 

Re: Happiness is a Choice

I guess that happiness can be as empty or as full as you feel it. I doubt that it is ever as superficial as a smile, and I certainly can imagine marketing campaigns that reflect your point of view. (Oh look we got a family 4WD and now suddenly we are all happy, despite the strain that the car loan and increased fuel costs are making on our income, we are all going to drive to the beach and smile a lot today!)

I see happiness as a totally different concept, even the seed of hope that everything will be OK after hours of mourning for loved friend can be happiness for me (and it does feel spiritual not superficial: a faith that life will continue to be, and that that is a good thing). People say I smile alot, I say I have two choices every morning, and I say the same when people say I always seem to be happy. (Sometimes I tell them, that sometimes I cry, the bottom line is that these people don't know me, my friends know I am complex and have a range of emotions.)

Don't worry I have had sad days, I have had days that I have cried so hard that I had to stop driving as I couldn't see what I was doing. I have days when I cried at work not being able to stop too. These are days that I remember with wariness not fondness and hope to never return to. But I see sadness as the opposite of happiness (semantics again) and unhappy the abscence of happiness.

Whether you believe that the terms exist or not is useful for you, however for the large amount of people that relate to happiness and sadness on a daily basis they certainly exist and will remain to.

Why do some people choose to be unhappy?

As I go about my writing exercise today, I realise that my lead character was unhappy because he made a choice to be unhappy… and he made this choice because at a sub-conscious level, it made him feel alive… maybe this is pure fiction… or maybe there is some truth in this… …

Re: Why do some people choose to be unhappy?

I once stated (a long time ago). 'negativism is a form of laziness'
Thus you could say, people choose to be unhappy, because it is easier. One doesn't have think about ones life, to be unhappy. One doesn't need to bother to look for the nice parts in life, or for the good in all the bad, and vice versa. Becoming happy will take effort, and energy. Staying unhappy doesn't ask anything more of you.
In a way, one chooses to be unhappy, because one doesn't (have or want to invest) the energy in becoming happy again.

Re: Why do some people choose to be unhappy?

What you say might be very true for people who are already unhappy and decide at some sub-conscious level to remain in that state…

Suppose if some one is at point 0… which is not realistic but let's just suppose… then it takes as much effort to choose to be unhappy… hmn…

Another possibility is that because people are addicted to emotions… they want to intensify the feeling just to feel alive… and then they choose unhappiness because the feeling of unhappiness is much more intense than the feeling of happiness…

Its something like if we can measure happiness, the maximum intensity would be something close to +5… while the maxmum intensity for unhappiness could go all the way to -10…

Not sure if this is true at all… just some random thoughts.

Re: Why do some people choose to be unhappy?

Also… it could be that for every unhappy event in a person's life, there is a happy event… then it all depend on which one of these events a person choose to focus his/her attention on. The Law of Attraction becomes the Law of Attention and herein lies the power of Gratitude.

Re: Why do some people choose to be unhappy?

I don't think unhappiness is anyhow less intense then happiness. At least, not in my experience. What I do know, is that people tend to remember pain, sadness and other forms of unhappiness (it can differ from person to person) much better then the happy moments. And when the time comes, there is far more painful experience ready to remember then the good parts. But yes, when one would start from point zero, it is both as hard to get. but what would be harder, to (newly) achieve point zero, or to become happy or unhappy again?

Re: Why do some people choose to be unhappy?

Great! Memory is important.

“what would be harder, to (newly) achieve point zero, or to become happy or unhappy again?”

It really depends…

What about starting a list of reasons why people are unhappy? Would that be useful in becoming happy?

Let's share our take on what is the biggest cause of unhappiness.

I'll go for Anger.

Re: Why do some people choose to be unhappy?

Alex -
I'll go for fear. I think unhappiness (and anger as well) feeds off of fear.  What I notice in myself is that when I go into fear and its variation, worry, I do it out of an almost superstitious feeling that I can somehow avert bad consequences that would bring me unhappiness by sort of “paying it forward” – meaning, that if I put in enough unhappiness up front, maybe the negative thing won't need to happen.
In work situations where I've managed others, I've seen that consistently. Someone who has not made their goals or has missed too much work, whatever the problem is, will come in beating themselves up. “I”m a terrible person, I feel so bad about this, I try as hard as I can and I still fail, woe is me” because if they engage in enough self-flagellation maybe no one else will have the heart to add to that.
 I think most of us learned this as children, that we were required to have a certain amount of bad feeling and regret about our mistakes, and that we could avoid having our parents and teachers heap that upon us by making that jump and doing it to ourselves. And for me at least, I internalized that and somehow decided that there was a debt which could be paid off with fear and worry.
As an adult though, I have the ability to be conscious of that and make different choices. The odd thing is, that whatever the feared consequence is, whatever circumstance I find myself in, I can find ways to integrate it and not get unbalanced by the experience. Even when in the moment there is some crying and wailing and ranting and raving that comes out of me, there is a kind of honesty and fullness in that that isn't unpleasant. It does take a broader definition of happiness to say that I enjoy it, but that isn't too far-fetched. So the fear and worry and unhappiness are entirely superfluous, but it still takes conscious effort to choose differently.
Old habits and all that.

Re: Why do some people choose to be unhappy?

Great conversation, here.
“list of reasons why people are unhappy” from AlexChua

I'd say unhappiness is hard-wired into us. Just like one poster said, as children we are expected to have a certain amount of guilt to sort-of atone for improper behaviours. Our parents and teachers and tv shows hard-wire certain social expectations into us.

And then, before we know it, we are actually addicted to recreating those same emotional states. (and they're so often dysfunctional)
OP-“we choose to create happiness or not…”
Our choice, therefore, is not in choosing to be unhappy, it is in choosing to fulfil our emotional addictions…

This is the way I understand it at the moment. I've had lots of internal conversations, wondering to myself what the heck happiness is and whether I should seek it or just be in the moment and let whatever IS be okay. Don't those two philosophies seem opponent? When we seek happiness, doesn't that mean we recognize a lack of it and therefore feel the need to look outside ourselves to get it? But happiness doesn't exist outside ourselves.

Re: Why do some people choose to be unhappy?

Thanks Jeannie & Jessica, both your views are so true. Fear is a key factor which gives birth to anger, worry, jealousy etc. It is also because of fear that we have so many expectations. We demand that things remain the same or turn out the way we want, forgetting that life have a rhythm of its own… …

We make agreements with ourselves to be happy only when our expectations are met, and over time, these are hard-wired into us as assumptions. What used to be expected of us soon becomes what we expect of ourselves. No wonder happiness eludes us…. …

We are addicted to our emotions which are aroused when our parents, friends, society etc. acknowledge and appreciate our behaviour… so we learn how to behave and become unhappy chickens.

We must be responsible, we must be the change, we must share our sparks, we must dream a vision, but we must also have the humility & wisdom to realise that we are co-creators, not the sole creator. To believe otherwise leads to much disappointment which can easily spiral into disillusionment … … as is happening to my Nanowrimo character ;-)

Not every spark starts a fire, but every spark is a fire. Can you see your sparks? Can you see the fire in a spark? Can you recognise that you are not a spark but the genarator of infinite sparks? Can you appreciate the short but significant life of a spark… and honour your sparks by sharing them? For sparks must be shared to become fires… the source of more sparks… that which warm the heartrs of those to come… for sparks die out if kept within… saving your sparks is as good as extinguishing them. You cannot grow sparks by saving them… they must be shared as they are generated… & remember… there is no need to save them because you can generate them in abundance, anytime, simply by being alive and passionate about life!

Like happiness, our sparks exist within us. But nonetheless, we can all benefit from some extra sparks from without, for sparks are contagious, they have the potential to start and spread like wild fires, crossing boundaries, for boundaries are imaginary limits… mental limits that can be crossed by mindful spirits sharing a human experience ;-P

Love, Light & Laughter :-)
Namaste!

Re: Why do some people choose to be unhappy?

I'll feel most unhappy when I feel impotence, when I am frustrated and feel that I cannot change something: or it is not the right thing to change something if I am to respect another, I feel impotent. This leads to a whole range of other emoions, including anger, for me.

The best way I have found to address the balance in this situation is creativity, by creating a drawing, painting, sculpture etc. that externalizes my feelings then they are no longer so intense and I become more in control and less impotent. More able to look at my problem constructively. It sounds unbelievably simple, but the creating of an artwork at an emotionally charged time is an amazing process which I would encourage everyone to try,

Re: Happiness is a Choice

Happiness mean different thing to different people.  In that respect I can't see how one definition such as “happiness is a choice” can apply.

To a family that lives in total poverty and had their only home washed away by a tornado or tsunami, happiness means that all the family memebers are still alive and that they may find a roof over their heads and some clean water and food.

To person that has lots of money and education and means to get by in life, happiness may mean, getting a bigger car, or house, better vacation, a boat, many girlfriends, or boyfriends etc…

To any average family strugling day by day, happiness could mean establishing financial stability so that they can live without fear of loosing what they have.

To someone that's living in a country at war, happiness means a whole new basket of meanings.

It's all relative based on where you were born and how you were raised and where your life journey has brought you this far.

Re: Happiness is a Choice

I'm not sure about this, it seems to me that there could be two people with exactly the same tangible lifestyle, yet one will be happy and one not.

Yes, happiness means different things to different people, but it is the self speak: for example one man will keep gambling until he looses everything and one will walk away a winner. It is their internal stories that are different.

It seems common sense to limit your losses in all things, yet some people cannot seem to and you almost wonder if they want to be happy.

An old lady I knew once said of her husband,

“Oh he wounldn't be happy unless he had something to moan about”.

Knowing them well, and caring for them dearly, I could see her point. He seemed to enjoy complaining, often mistaken for being unhappy.  His internal story dictated a need I guess, hard to tell if it was making him happy (as his wife said) or unhappy.

Re: Happiness is a Choice

I agree with you HappiNess.

Two people can have the same lifestyle, education and money, yet one is constantly needing more.  Why?  When is enough wealth going to make a person happy.  When is the right relationship going to make the person happy?

Many people have a sickness such as gambling, drug addict, alcoholic.  Depression is another addiction.  I think some people prefer depression because it seems so imposible to feel happy and that one time you do, something comes along and crushes it.  So, it's safer to feel down and stay down.

Your friend's husband who likes to moan but his wife has grown accustomed to him and so it's not and unhappy thing, I think is a loving relationship.  She seems to know him well enough on the inside to not pay attention to his little grumbles every day.  It's just a way of venting, or maybe just a habit but she's accepted it and that is love.

If I had to read, and read and read about what happiness means, I would end up tearing my hair out.  Happiness is not understanding complex theories and words.  It's very simple.  It's kindness, love and understanding.  It's giving.  It's what you get in return that makes you feel happy not what you give yourself.

Re: Happiness is a Choice

In the most fundamental way, happiness is a choice. I always think of Viktor Frankl when this subject comes up. To be able to feel love and peace while suffering and witnessing horrible losses and cruelties in a concentration camp.. that's as compelling an argument for “happiness is a choice” as any I can imagine. (If you are not familiar with his story, you might wish to read his book, “Man's Search for Meaning”. It's short, and could stay with you for the rest of your life. It has, for me http://www.amazon.com/Mans-Search-Meaning-Viktor-Frankl/dp/0671023373  )

Also, though, I would like to put in a word for sad or depressed people : )   I think it is not so simple as saying that the unhappy choose to be so. Neurochemistry, geography, family history, teachers, opportunities, losses, blessings, health, accidents, twists of fate and genetics…..  so many factors. I've experienced a handful of long miseries, myself. Placing blame on those who are trapped in sadness, or anger, is almost always a misunderstanding of each one's journey to that place. Even those who seem to pursue misery are only doing the best they can, though through “unskillful means” in buddhist terms.  

Everyone wants to be happy, safe, and free. Some of us need to learn that it is possible, and that these things are every creature's right to strive for. We need hope and knowledge and healing—tools to create our own happiness. It's easier to put out a fire if you have a hose. 


bowing,
crow

Re: Happiness is a Choice

Dear crow, you always remind me of what's important! Victor is very inspiring. Thanks, and hugs,

Nicole

Re: Happiness is a Choice

Nicole,

You do the same for me :) Thank you.

crow

p.s. yes, I could go on and on about Frankl. Wow, I better go add him to my heroes/teachers list right now!

Re: Happiness is a Choice

I was just about to cite this great book!
My beautiful Aunt whom I adore gave this book to me when I was a little pre-teen filled with angst, trying to figure the world out.
It proves that we all DO have the choice to be happy!
Being authentic with his food was not the option for these people in concentration camps.
It is our choice now, though.
Being kind with our food is the best step we can do in service to all humans, and all other biengs, and all the planet.
See
http://www.EcoEat.com

Even CNN reported that it's better to green your diet than your car - it alone will help all the people in the world and save the environment!
And- your soul will rejoice in being Compassionate and your body will heal, youthen, and vibrantize!

Re: Happiness is a Choice

Yes, that's a very important point Crow and most of us get depressed at some stage in our lives which is probably part of growing.  It is a horrible place to be, but a place where many people spend some time. I only hope that these people stay safe until thet find their window, however high it is, to climb through into the shared world where they can feel more in control again.

I'm having a moment now to reflect on the ones that are still finding or never found their window.

Blessings to us all.

Re: Happiness is a Choice

Becoming happy is so easy!
Go Vegan!

Eating Compassionate food makes your mind clear, your body heal, and aligns you with the desire of your own soul, which wants Compassion for all beings!

Death foods cause depression. How? Eating dead bodies of fellow beings loads your body with toxins, with putrefication and harmful bacteria, causes slow digestion since our bodies were designed only to eat plant foods, and eating meat causes clogging in the entire system. The blood stream becomes filled with clogs, toxins the liver cannot assimilate, fat, and parasite eggs, plus parts of rotting flesh that cause holes in the lining of the intestines through which the contents leak out.

When you being to adopt good eating habits - eating Compassionately, going Vegan, eating only plant foods, fruit, veggies, nuts, and seeds and grains and beans, then your body begins to cleanse itself. For awhile, it will throw off the toxins stored in organs and muscles during the transition.
The mind will begin to clear, the body to feel lighter and more energetic, and life will renew itself! The mood will lift! Those old food addictions and the toxins that brought depression will subside and now the  mind, body, and spirit will be as one!
Doing good causes good!
Being Compassionate causes Healing!
Happiness will grow!

Being Vegan Brings Happiness!

Re: Happiness is a Choice

“Happiness is not a matter of good fortune or worldly possessions. It's a mental attitude. It comes from appreciating what we have, instead of being miserable about what we do not have. It's so simple, yet so hard for the human mind to comprehend.” ~ John Luther

“We who lived in concentration camps can remember the men who walked through the huts comforting others, giving away their last piece of bread. They may have been few in number, but they offer sufficient proof that everything can be taken from a man but one thing: the last of the human freedoms—to choose one's attitude in any given set of circumstances, to choose one's own way.” ~ Viktor Frankl

“Most folks are about as happy as they make up their minds to be.” ~ Abraham Lincoln

“The longer I live
The more I realize the impact of attitude on life.
Attitude, to me, is more important than the past,
Than education,
Than money,
Than circumstances,
Than failures,
Than success,
Than what other people think or say or do.

It is more important than appearance,
Giftedness or skill.
It will make or break an organization,
A school, a home.

The remarkable thing is we have a choice every day
Regarding the attitude we will embrace for that day.
We cannot change our past.
We cannot change the fact that people will act in a certain way.
We cannot change the inevitable.

The only thing we can do
Is play the string we have.
And that is our attitude.

I am convinced that life is 10 percent what happens to me
And 90 percent how I react to it.
And so it is with you.”
~ Charles Swindell

Re: Happiness is a Choice

Hi Alex,

I just finished the book “Left to tell” by Immaculee Ilibagiza.  She's an amazing testament to courage, faith, hope and love.  She survived the Rwanda genocide, and suffered the loss of nearly her entire family.  Joy wasn't robbed from her, even in the midst of horror and inhumane rampage and murder.  She knew she had the choice and she exercised her choice time and time again.

She emerged whole and willing to embrace joy and hope.  Awesome book.  I highly recommend it for people that want to “yea but” the option of being happy!

Jill

Re: Happiness is a Choice

Thank you Jill :-) I've not read this yet.

The reviews for this book at zBooks are pretty awesome too.

“Anyone in the world can learn to forgive those who have injured them, however great or small that injury may be.” ~ Immaculee Ilibagiza

Re: Happiness is a Choice

I haven't read that book, but a couple of weeks ago I saw her on a Wayne Dyer PBS special.  and I thought she was very inspirational.  What a horrible tragedy to go through– I can't imagine being in that situation.  Blessings on her.

I definitely believe happiness is a choice.  There's two ways to look at life– through victimhood or through opportunity.  If you choose opportunity, you will always see that happiness is tangible, and available.

Re: Happiness is a Choice

Kyo, I saw the same special with Dyer.  It is what made me want to read the book and I can't begin to sum up how instrumental that book has become in shaping something truly magical in my life by connecting to others that remark on this book.  So, now I have an increased fondness! 

Re: Happiness is a Choice

You know, my family is from Uganda, which is next door to Rwanda.  In the early 80s, during the horrible Idi Amin era, a lot of my extended family (and tribe) were targeted.  I wasn't in Uganda at the time, but much grief did visit my family.  It was a horrendous time of suffering, and many ppl lost their lives and many were displaced.

The tragedy of the matter is that we continue to see the same story.. in the last 100 years, we've seen the killing fields in Cambodia, the work camps in Stalinist Russia, the Holocaust, the great Proleteriat Revolution of China, the death squads in El Salvador, and the present day genocide in Sudan.

I was watching a essay winner on Oprah, Clementire Wamariya, as she said, “history does not repeat itself, we repeat history.”  How true that is.

The thing is (keeping inline with the Thread), we have a choice.  We can choose to repeat history or we can choose to create a happy future.

Re: Happiness is a Choice

If you cannot view the images check the online version.
Copyright © 2006, HeartMath LLC  All rights reserved.

Re: Happiness is a Choice

At times I think happiness chooses us.  Some people have better natural chemical cocktails than others.  Most of us are somewhere in the middle of the “happy” curve.  I think events and tragedy can take a toll on individual happiness.  I also know people who smile all the time, but don't think or feel deeply.  Happiness can be a state of denial or detachment.  Perserverance and compassion seem like better choices to me.

Re: Happiness is a Choice

Yes! ”Perserverance and compassion seem like better choices to me.” -

True! Why? Because Compassion IS Happiness!
Compassion Creates Happiness!

We have the choice to make heaven on Earth, to make sure that our choices reflect our own souls, to be kind, merciful, and to create harmony by every act, thought, intent, and with every meal, to save lives, both of our own specie and of the others.

We create our moods by the foods we choose!
Compassion foods create joy. Death foods create depression.
Choose Joy!
Choose Peace with your food and you will Create Peace in the world and in yourself!

Go Vegan!
p.s.- let me know if you'd like links on how to Go Vegan!)

Re: Happiness is a Choice

Dear Alex, your photo and quotation contain Truth (with a capital “T.)  Now I would like to add the concept of choosing love to the mix, which perhaps may be a very large part of happiness.  I believe we also must  consciously choose  to love, and not simply passively wait for it to “hit” us as though it were a runaway train. Further, I believe we may need to make that same choice over and over again.   I am speaking here of every kind/type of love.  But more to the point here, I wonder if perhaps the choice to love must necessarily preceed any feeling of overall “happiness.” 

Re: Happiness is a Choice

Hi Linda,

Yes, I agree that happiness could be a by product of love… but not neccessarily every kind/type of love. If there is attachment or expectation, happiness would be short-lived… It also appears to me that the happiness one experiences is highened when is it is the result of one sharing love rather then receiving it.

I'm also not sure if the choice to love must necessarily preceed any feeling of overall “happiness”. This is surly a great way… … but is it the only way?

“There is no difficulty that enough love will not conquer, no disease that enough love will not heal; no door that enough love will not open; no gulf that enough love will not bridge; no wall that enough love will not throw down; no sin that enough love will not redeem…it makes no difference how deeply seated may be the trouble; how hopeless the outlook; how muddled the tangle; how great the mistake. A sufficient realization of love will dissolve it all. If only you could love enough you would be the happiest and most powerful being in the world.” ~ Emmet Fox

“Success is not the key to happiness. Happiness is the key to success. If you love what you are doing, you will be successful.” ~ Albert Schweitzer

Re: Happiness is a Choice

Hmmmmm Alex, much to think about here.  Without doubt, shared love brings greater sense of happiness than simply receiving it.  But very often in life, we are not able to wait until there is a full compliment of “shared love.”  That is where/when I believe “choosing to love” becomes critical to “enhanced happiness” at the very least. 

For example, in any long standing relationship, the giving and receiving of love is, at times, uneven.  I may be going through a difficult time and not giving love as I know I should, yet my partner recognizes this and, rather than becoming more demanding, simply says “I choose to love you today regardless of your present attitude.”  Because the partner is able to choose to love first, we can both experience a sense of happiness knowing our relationship is secure regardless of temporary circumstances. 

I don't know if I am expressing this correctly; hope it makes at least some sense.  I think what I am trying to say is that we should not expect love to grow from happiness as a “by-product,” but that it, too, is a choice that can bring peace to the soul—some might call that happiness.    From your cited quotes, I don't think we have any great differance of opinion here;  always enjoy your observations!

Re: Happiness is a Choice

Hi Linda,

Without doubt, shared love brings greater sense of happiness
than simply receiving it.  But very often in life, we are not able to wait
until there is a full compliment of “shared love.”  That is where/when I
believe “choosing to love” becomes critical to “enhanced happiness” at the very
least.

Very true and helpful :-)

Of course we do not have any major differences, we're just moving together toward Clarity ;-P

Re: Happiness is a Choice

being happy is love that needs nothing

Re: Happiness is a Choice

hmmm.  Interesting stuff.

I have to say that I do not believe that love has anything to do with happiness.  I think that love is simply the source of all things.  Our willingness to remember and allow ourselves to honor that love can also be one of the things that helps us perceive the world in a different way…. but a rejection of love doesn't deny the presence of love. 

I do not believe I would even call love an emotion at all.  It is a greater substance that a fleeting emotion and love is never transient the way in which feelings can be.  I can hold my breath, but it doesn't make the air go away.  Simply means that I am not partaking of that.  To me, love exists whether I partake or not.  Whether I alter my perceptions or not.  Whether I choose or not.  Love is.

Happiness, however…. that is an emotion.  I was listening to Eckert Tolle yesterday and he was talking about suffering being an element of time.  When we are held in yesterday or lost in tomorrow, we create tales that let us suffer.  Our minds can invite suffering.  Our minds can invite happiness. 

Random thoughts for the day.

Re: Happiness is a Choice

hi Jill, hi everybody hhem, i am not sure who is talking with whom nor whether order is needed, only wanted to clear, as poet who is inclined to playing with words like colors or sounds, the meaning and rhythm can vary, anyway, i feel like upgrading to the less compound and previous version which goes like:

'being happy is love that needs no explanation'


and a “Yes” to  “Happiness is a Choice”

Re: Happiness is a Choice

All those who suffer in the world do so
Because of their desire for their own happiness.
All those happy in the world are so
Because of their desire for the happiness of others.

- Santideva

Re: Happiness is a Choice

Reminds me of this quootation from William R. Inge.

“He who will live for others shall have great trouble,
but they shall seem to him small.
He who will live for himself shall have small troubles,
but they shall seem to him great.”

& here's a comprehensive one by Dan Millman with a different angle.

“True happiness is the ability, developed over time and with practice, to radiate positive energy regardless of external or internal circumstances… Over time, I've found that beneath these emotions (anger, sadness) I still feel an undercurrent of happiness that cannot be diminished by whatever drama I'm going through at the personality level.”

& more…

“To me there is in happiness an element of self-forgetfulness. You lose yourself in something outside yourself when you are happy; just as when you are desperately miserable you are intensely conscious of yourself, are a solid little lump of ego, weighing a ton.” ~ Priestley, J.B.

Re: Happiness is a Choice

I've been browsing quotes about Happiness at The Quote Garden.
http://www.quotegarden.com/happiness.html

This one may be my favorite on the page…
We are seldom happy with what we now have, but would go to pieces if we lost any part of it.  ~Mignon McLaughlin, The Neurotic's Notebook, 1960

Good will,
Gaiabreeze

Re: Happiness is a Choice

You brought up a very good point, Gaiabreeze. This boils down to a lack of gratitude & appreciation doesn't it?

If you are reading this & can't think of anything to be grateful for… I urge you to read Benediction.

This thread seems to have ended with the idea that happiness is the mental habit of focusing our attention on 1) what we already have and 2) something outside ourselves that inspires our devotion, and 3) choosing to live in joy regardless of external or internal circumstances… …

I came across some quotations by Dale Carnegie which supports these ideas.

“Happiness doesn't depend on any external conditions, it is governed by our mental attitude.”

“It isn't what you have, or who you are, or where you are, or what you are doing that makes you happy or unhappy. It is what you think about.”

“Remember happiness doesn't depend upon who you are or what you have; it depends solely on what you think.”

“The person who seeks all their applause from outside has their happiness in another's keeping .”

More importantly, Carnegie also suggested some ideas of how to apply  his insights to increasing our level of happiness… …

“Are you bored with life? Then throw yourself into some work you believe in with all your heart, live for it, die for it, and you will find happiness that you had thought could never be yours.”

“Act as if you were already happy and that will tend to make you happy.”

“If only the people who worry about their liabilities would think about the riches they do possess, they would stop worrying.”

& most important of all… … remember that “You have it easily in your power to increase the sum total of this world's happiness now. How? By giving a few words of sincere appreciation to someone who is lonely or discouraged. Perhaps you will forget tomorrow the kind words you say today, but the recipient may cherish them over a lifetime.”

Who is that someone around you who might be lonely or discouraged? Please go offer him/her a few words of sincere appreciation now!

P.S. There is one statement that I think is rather controversial though… as it seems to suggest that happiness and success are mutually exclusive!

“Success is getting what you want. Happiness is wanting what you get.”

Re: Happiness is a Choice

& here's another 2 I got in my mailbox today from one of my favourite site, Higher Awareness. The site has recently undergone a major upgrading & is now a membership site offering hundreds of journaling and personal growth resources including the Smart Question Coaching themes along with its 18 programs which I highly recommend.

“Happiness cannot be traveled to, owned, earned, worn or consumed. Happiness is the spiritual experience of living every minute with love, grace, and gratitude.” ~ Denis Waitley

“It is not easy to find happiness in ourselves, and it is not possible to find it elsewhere.” ~ Agnes Repplier