Re: Idealists (NFs) & Relationships Cont...

http://monkeys.gaia.com — Fri, 08 Sep 2006 17:30:18 GMT

thats funny.........hehe

Idealists (NFs) & Relationships Cont...

http://peacemonger.gaia.com — Fri, 08 Sep 2006 09:05:37 GMT

This article is from Penny Potter's website: [Penny Potter is a certified administrator of the MBTI. She has been providing businesses, couples, and individuals the MBTI (Myers-Briggs) seminars and counseling in the Washington D.C. area for three years. ]

_______________________________________________________________

When Like Likes Like, or

When (NF)Empathists Mate [Slightly scary thought -mu ;-)]

Stolen glances, romantic meetings, exotic flirtations, painful infatuation, smoldering passion, shivering sighs and shuddering palpitations, willing self-disclosure, tearful pledges of commitment, intense intimacy, and almost mystical fireworks are t he way EMPATHIST-EMPATHIST love relationships begin.

Disillusionment, hypersensitivity, hurt feelings, tears, a cosmic sense of abandonment, and a broken- hearted depression which can be alleviated only by a new romance: that's how EMPATHIST- EMPATHIST love relationships end.

To EMPATHISTs, love is such a roller coaster that other types must wonder if the ``goin' up is worth the comin' down,'' but that's the way passion operates among these temperamental types. These are the relationships that F. Scott Fitzgerald herald ed.

When EMPATHISTs mate, their shared idealism is usually involved: a common quest, a spiritual commitment, a philosophical common-ground.

Relationship, per se, usually is a conscious focus of life, as is the exploration, expression and perfection of self. Combining those two objectives often presses EMPATHIST mates toward a continual redefinition and reworking of the relationship: a process of evolution and growth.

With such change comes a sense of excitement, aliveness, newness; with it, also, comes some degree of turmoil and discomfort.

Growth is the goal, the process, the pitfall and the glory of EMPATHIST-EMPATHIST matings.

When two EMPATHISTS are in a situation which allows them to share their intuition and feeling, they are happiest. That's when the relationship usually works best: sharing a spiritual experience, critiquing a play.

Unfortunately, most real-world relationships involve a certain amount of ``taking care of business'': attending to the sensing and thinking demands of society (working for a living, washing dishes, doing laundry, taking out trash, paying bills, keeping the car running and the house repaired, going to the grocery, the cleaners, the PTA, and such). So, in a typical pair-bonding situation, EMPATHIST couples need to volunteer for, delegate, or otherwise cover the reality chores of living together. And that's not usually an easily hurdled obstacle.

One of the first major adjustments that occurs in most EMPATHIST pairings is that one (or both) of them appears to change type. The one who's less gung-ho as an intuitive may be transformed into an (SP)REALIST or an (SJ)LEGALIST. The one whose preference for feeling is less strong may take on the robes of the ``thinker.'' Pretty soon, you might be hard-pressed to recognize them as EMPATHISTS.

Then, you can bet, one or both feels compromised, dishonest with the inner self, and resentful of the other and of the relationship. ``The grass is always greener'' phenomenon may strike particularly hard when two EMPATHISTS try to carry on a long-term relationship.

Ah, but in its moments of glory, the EMPATHIST couple is the stuff of which sonnets are written! Since communication skills are peak for this temperamental type, speech and writing about love's ups and downs are likely to be part of the relationship : poems, notes, letters, and heartfelt telephone conversations may punctuate the days and nights.

Communication, in a general sense, is of interest to the EMPATHIST couple. Critiquing plays, stories and novels is an accepted dinner-time conversation, and the fine-honing of personal philosophy is usually somewhere at the heart of these sharing experiences. Do EMPATHISTS talk (and talk) about their relationship? Do they breathe?

Two EMPATHISTS together may become ``self-actualization'' junkies: following one personal development or spiritual training experience after another, sharing meaningful books and films, following after one or another guru. When there's no money in the budget for frills, there may still be funds for group therapy or private counseling sessions. The quest for self and identity is unceasing for many, if not most, EMPATHIST types, especially when they can feed off each other's energy and commitment.

In a connected relationship, EMPATHISTs tend to ponder the meaning and significance of every gesture, posture, glance, expression, word and silence. EMPATHISTs, in their own unique way, probably ``work'' at love more than any other type, and when carried to extreme the continual analysis of what everything means can be exhausting, even to another EMPATHIST! It may be very difficult for two EMPATHISTs to ``lighten up'' when it comes to just enjoying a relationship.

In their most intense state of connection, the EMPATHIST pair is almost psychic: anticipating each other's mood swings, wants, needs, fears, dreams, thoughts and aspirations, without ever speaking.

As one EMPATHIST woman put it: ``We have our hard times, sure, but we have times together when we breathe in rhythm; I feel his thoughts. I hurt with him. I sense his joy. And he's capable of feeling me the same way. We can tell each other our deepest thoughts. I wouldn't trade that kind of connection for anything!''

But, when the magic needs a tuneup, the dark side of that EMPATHIST sensitivity may rear its head. Suspicion, paranoia, hypersensitivity, and other products of runaway imagination may pollute every interaction, color every communication...

These are some of the troublesome typical pitfalls of the EMPATHIST-EMPATHIST pairing, but we've only been looking at the aspects that are generated by the ``temperamental cornerstone'' of iNtuition and Feeling. As we said in the ``Introduction to Insight,'' these are important characteristics, but not the only ones.

First of all, the partner whose preference for intuition is stronger may see the other as a sensor! And the partner who's most comfortable with ``pure'' feeling may regard the other as a hard-hearted thinking type.

In other words, EMPATHIST couples who differ markedly in the strength of their preferences for feeling and intuition may actually regard each other as ``foreign'' types!

Other important conflicts and misunderstandings may revolve around the dimensions of judging-perception and introversion-extraversion.

For example, an EMPATHIST who prefers judging may consider a perceptive-type partner to be unclear on personal values or inadequately committed to the relationship or to other ``causes.'' The perceptive, in turn, may call the judge narrow-minded and rigid, both in terms of defining the relationship and pursuing personal goals. In either case, they may minimize their areas of compatibility and focus instead on their differences.

By the same token, introverted EMPATHISTS may find their need for peace, privacy, and personal territory continually violated by extraverted EMPATHISTS, whose requests for socializing, contact, conversation, compliments and other strokes and feedback are frustrated by introverted partners.

Neither may recognize the other as a kindred soul because their needs for interaction are so different.

The significance of differences along the introversion-extraversion dimension cannot be overstated. Even though they're both EMPATHIST temperamental types, an ENFP and an INFP represent vastly different personality styles in a close relationship. A nd an ENFJ and an INFJ may have to work very hard at understanding each other's needs even though they have three out of four of the personality factors in common.

_______________________________________________________________

Gaia: zIDEALISTS - Idealists: Gotta Love 'Em - Idealists (NFs) & Relationships Cont...

Re: Idealists (NFs) & Relationships Cont...

Idealists (NFs) & Relationships Cont...